Here I am , on a holiday in Spain.
And all I can think about ?
How fat I have become . how some clothes don’t fit well. How some photographs are so ugly.
And this insecurity just grows. It makes me feel inadequate.
Am I not supposed to enjoy myself ? Can’t I eat what I want to without worrying about how it would affect me and my body ?
I look at the other girls here. Perfect hair , skin, makeup, clothes chiseled and most importantly, happy. (Or at least they look happy. )
I wanted to take loads of nice pictures for my instagram and here I am, not being able to upload more than a couple of snaps .
Is this how it is going to be till the time I’m not the goal weight I want go to achieve. Will I start being happy if I get this lard off me ? Does it really work this way ?
These are my midnight diaries. And this is what the dark side looks like – the maze of 12 am thoughts.