#Fatgirlproblems

The battle of the bulge is something very common nowadays. Overweight people face problems on a daily basis. And I am not talking about being bullied at school, being invisible, body shaming and the insecurities that come as a complete package to even those who may be 5-6 kilos overweight, but those daily issues which the skinny ones will never get. My best friend is beautiful and not just on the inside. She tells me beauty is not how much you weigh and I should stop being obsessed. Though she has had insecurities of her own, I can never expect any thin person to understand. Ever. This is because each battle with an insecurity is a whole new thing and they cannot be compared. Ever. 

So here is my list of everyday problems :

Shopping: The most dreaded one. I can never find clothes my size and when I do end up with something that fits me, it’s more of an unshapely sack than anything else. It goes without saying that the outfit looked a lot better on the mannequin than on me !

Jeans will always be loose at the waist and tight at the thighs. Never will you find the correct fit. I wear boyfriend jeans for crying out loud !! Don’t even get me started on lingerie ! And some styles will never suit you. Never. And the same goes with colours.

Shopping with your skinny friends : their problem – ‘this is too loose. Will it be too big for me ? ‘. They can pick up anything from the rack and it would fit them. And what’s more , even if they don’t like what they are wearing , they will carry it off with such a flair ! And still they complain ! Jesus !

Photo sessions : A girl’s life is incomplete without photography sessions with her bffs when the squad is on point. What the squad will never realise is that I can never be ‘on point’ for a photo session. Pictures of me will always be either too sharp or too bulky or the double chin will be visible or maybe the love handles. And the list is endless. Needless to say, I hate getting clicked. 

With the guys : I need not even elaborate on this one. Because if I start I won’t stop. People who are average looking are visible, but a fat person, like me – invisible. And that is that. They will look through me.

Navigating in small spaces in public places is another nightmare altogether !

Going to the parlour is embarrassing and so is eating in front of others !

Guru-gyaan : every one who knows about how you feel , will always tell you that you’re wrong. “Beauty lies within.” ” oh mg god, that dress looks good on you” ” oh that guy was totally checking you out” ” come on you’re not fat!” ” you need to stop obsessing about this, its not the end of the world” and the list is endless! 

I know all of this is true. But. ( there is always a but) . One can only stop obsessing over this if there are no constant reminders. And there will always be mirrors, photos, comments to pull you down that hole.

Well ofcourse one must be confident and then if it is that much of a deal one should work out and achieve what one wants to.

 

And that is exactly what I will do..till then I shall find humour in blogging 😉

When Insecurity Strikes

Here I am , on a holiday in Spain.
And all I can think about ?
How fat I have become . how some clothes don’t fit well. How some photographs are so ugly.

And this insecurity just grows. It makes me feel inadequate.
Am I not supposed to enjoy myself ? Can’t I eat what I want to without worrying about how it would affect me and my body ?
I look at the other girls here. Perfect hair , skin, makeup, clothes chiseled and most importantly, happy. (Or at least they look happy. )

I wanted to take loads of nice pictures for my instagram and here I am, not being able to upload more than a couple of snaps .

Is this how it is going to be till the time I’m not the goal weight I want go to achieve. Will I start being happy if I get this lard off me ? Does it really work this way ?

These are my midnight diaries. And this is what the dark side looks like – the maze of 12 am thoughts.

Seville Day 3 – Cordoba

Cordoba is one of the provinces In the city of Andalucia along with Malaga, Cadiz etc.
Located 150 km from Seville, we took a tour bus to the place.
On arriving, we visited the Alcazar fort which was built during the roman period. Many of the remains are now underground and have been destroyed by the weather.

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Alcazar Fort

The fort had old preserved mosaics and well kept gardens and patios.

Along the streets of the province one would find parts of this fort which are now turned into hotels, restaurants, museums etc with a lot of patios. There is also an annual Patio competition that is held in May.

The province has a lot of Islamic culture since many Muslims also stayed there after the Romans.

We then went on to the old Jewish section of the city. Earlier there was a huge Jewish community which stayed there. They built a Synagogue , which was used as a church up until the priests discovered Hebrew inscriptions and remains of the balconies where the women and children would sit.
There are only 3 synagogues in Spain.  The other two located in Toledo.

We then went on to see the Cathedral. this was a mosque in the earlier times and had beautiful double arches of red bricks and limestone. The pillars there are of red and black marble and no two are similar. They also have the mason’s names marked on them. The Mosque later had more construction done as an add on to it and is used present day as a church.

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The Mosque

This is an exquisite piece of architecture and legend has it, that when the King wanted to convert it into a Church, the Muslims were a little uncertain as whether the mosque would be destroyed. The King promised them, that if a single pillar was touched he  would massacre everyone. And thus there are only add-ons .

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The Altar used for daily services.

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We proceeded for lunch after that to a place called Amaltea, which is known to have good vegetarian food ( since some of the people with us were vegetarian ). The veg lasagna was good. I didn’t particularly enjoy the pasta with artichokes and arugala, since it was bland. It needed to be spiced up with tobasco and needed more salt.

Post lunch we headed back to Seville 🙂

We proceeded for lunch after that to a place called Amaltea, which is known to have good vegetarian food ( since some of the people with us were vegetarian ). The veg lasagna was good. I didn’t particularly enjoy the pasta with artichokes and arugala, since it was bland. It needed to be spiced up with tobasco and needed more salt.

Post lunch we headed back to Seville 🙂

Seville Day 2 – Cadiz

Today was a packed day 🙂
We went to Cadiz. On the way we got a short city tour, by our guide Melissa, of the various sites in Seville which we passed on the way out – La Macarina, the olive farms etc.

We started off in the morning by going to the winery Gonzalez Byass  that produces Sherry wine. They produce a brand which  is also popularly known as Tio  Peppe.

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They took us on a guided tour around the winery and showed us the barrels. There are 90000 barrels there at present filled with sherry. They are placed in rows one on top of each other. The oldest on the ground placed on top of a layer of yellow sand which is watered to give the sherry the humidity that it needs. Every time they need to take out sherry, they take it out from the lowermost barrel ( that is the one on the ground) and only take out one third of the contents. This barrel is now filled with sherry from the barrel placed on the row above and the one on the first layer is filled by the barrel in the third layer.

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The royal family of Spain has also signed some of the barrels there. There is also a cellar with 152 barrels which have flags of all the countries the company exports to.

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Post that we went to the Royal School of Equestrian Art to see a horse show. It was breathtaking. The horses were we’ll kept and looked very happy. There are no words to express how wonderful the show was. The horses trotted cantered in perfect synchronization with the Spanish music. The show is titled ‘ How the Andalusian Horses Dance’. And the name says it all.

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After that we went to Cadiz and spent a couple of hours walking through the old and new town. We had lunch at a Cerveseria Montadella ( don’t remember the exact name, apologies!). This was followed by a bus tour across the city where we saw the bay, the catherdrals, the beaches, the old tobacco factory, the city wall remnants, a beautifully manicured garden dedicated to Christopher Columbus etc.

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And then we headed back to Seville. 🙂
Shopped around the streets near our hotel and ended up having an excellent dinner at Pomodoro.

Seville (Sevilla) Day 1

Today was a lazy lazy day. With a 9 am flight from Barcelona to Seville, we hardly had any time to sleep. We checked in to Hotel Zenit,which is really cozy as well as modern and has most of the small comforts a hotel has to offer. The weather here is much warmer and thus I could shed the jacket ! Phew !

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The evening was spent loyering around in the streets nearby, scanning window displays and then we attended a Flamenco performance.

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A still from the performance

It was AMAZING.
The dancers were all so energetic and did a brilliant job. For most of the show photography was not allowed.

This is a MUST do for anyone visiting.
Along with the dance we had dinner
there as well which was a fish tapas menu. I tried octupus for the
first time today. It was  chewy and didn’t have that fishy taste that is prominent in a lot of seafood. 

Barcelona Day 3 – Figueres – Dali’s City and Girona

Today we went to see Dali Figurines and Girona village.
Girona was founded by the Romans and has a plethora of fine architectural delights including medieval walls, Gothic monuments, a Jewish museum and a cathedral. Dali has apparently been said to claim that his face resembles one of the sculptures on the facade of the cathedral.
We were lucky enough to be able to witness the easter mass today 🙂

New and old girona is divided by a river.

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One of the interesting legends of the place is a lion on one of the pillars. They say if you want to come back you must kiss the lion’s bottom.

A part of the TV series, Game of Thrones has also been filmed here along with climax scenes from the movie Perfume. The guide also told us proudly, that Mark Zuckerberg had also stayed for a couple of days here !

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We went next to Figueres, which is Dali’s City and theain attraction is Dali’s theatre museum.
And it was EXQUISITE !

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I am not much of an artist and I don’t understand art. Nor do I like museums. But this. This was something else. His paintings and sculptures glaze over a wide range of techniques and methods.
His museum also contains his tomb and is also called a theatrical museum. It was resigned by him and he worked on it for thirteen to fourteen years.

There are also lots of jewel pieces which are inspired by certain paintings.
Words aren’t enough to express the beauty of his vast body of work.

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His wife -Gala, Costa Brava, Girona, flies ( which are a symbol of protection) are integral parts of his work. One can also find dragons, lips and eggs in his work. He also stayed in the United states where he bought a Cadillac which is displayed in the museum. This is known as the arinkng Cadillac which has a mechanism, if one puts a coin into it, an umbrella opens up on top and it begins to rain actual water inside the car.

There are a lot of optical illusions in his work. Also there is a section devoted to May West , the Hollywood actress.

This is a MUST do for everyone. Even those who don’t like art.

Barcelona Day 2 – Montserrat

Today was the Montserrat Monastry tour in the first half of the day. We crossed the FCB football grounds and training areas on the way. Any football fan would love the place.

Montserrat is basically a multipeak mountain feature which is composed of a pink coloured conglomerate of sedimentary rocks about 45 kms away from Barcelona in the mountains.
There is also a monastery of the Benedictine Monks there.
There is a cathedral there as well and is host to the ‘Black Madonna’.

A museum with works of famous artists such as Dali is located in the area along with an exquisite wine tasting
tour which is a must do for all the wine lovers !

It has a tram which takes you to the peaks, which we visited ofcourse and is great for hiking. Needless to say the view is amazing 🙂

I am not much of the history types and was more interested in the hiking bit of things and spent most of my time there on the trails, hanging out with the cliffs &
clouds !
A visit to Barcelona, one would expect beaches but right now the weather in Barcelona isn’t the beach type !

We also went to La Rambla which is the lower part of the city and is a great place to walk around. It’s very near the city center. The only thing – beware of pocket pickers. You also get great souvenirs over where along with interesting places to eat. Specially of you want to sit out in the open and enjoy the lively atmosphere.

Plaza Catalunya is another great place to spend time in. Its very lively with something or the other going on all the time.

My suggestion – walk down La Rambla and take a left at the end of it and come out via any of the parallel roads.

Tips and tricks : wear comfortable shoes. The tracks are really steep with loose rocks and pebbles.
Its sometimes foggy so the views may be clouded up !

Lessons learnt : try not to take pictures at the edge of the cliff. You may fall and definitely no striking yoga poses !  :p

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